Dear Soz
What a con these so-called Girl Bands are. The other day I heard Bananarama singing "Robert De Niro's waiting, talking Italian" and yet, when I spotted him on location in London the other day and asked for his autograph, he called me a "limey fuck" and told me "Get the hell outta my face." So what's Italian about that then?
George iPad
Mare Street
Hackney
East London
Dear SOZ
Dear Soz
What a con this so-called online sex is. The other day I was struck and killed instantly by the 19.03 Gatwick Express as I masturbated furiously into a paper cup at East Croydon.
Tony Knowles
Bradford Snooker Club
Antarctica.
Dear Soz
Chop a piece of spaghetti into small one inch long lengths to make a handy set of drinking straws for moles.
Alan Titsarse
Belgian Congo.
Dear Soz
Convince your friends that you're a writer of erotic literature by never having a sexual relationship of any description before being imprisoned for lewd conduct in a school playground.
Harold Fuck
Margate
Africa
