Edited By Clive DantonScene One: A bus stop in Silvertown, East London. Two old ladies are in earnest conversation

 

“I’ve had it all dahn me left side Elsie”.
“Oh…Still there is it Ivy?”
“Yeah, all dahn me left side Elsie”.
“The same thing you had down the right side last week is it Ivy?”
“No Elsie, this is different. This time it’s all dahn me left side”.
“What did the doctor say Ivy?”
“He said it was all dahn me left side Elsie”.
“Just as well really Ivy. After all, you don’t want it down the right side do you?”.
“Of course, he didn’t ask me about the other”
“The other what Elsie?”
“You know Ivy…The other”.
“The other wot's round the back and downstairs Elsie?”
“Yers…And it still has a big lump on it Ivy”.
“Must have been the wositsname Elsie”.
“That’s what I thought, till it started again Ivy”.
“What started Elsie?”
“All dahn me left side Ivy”.
“Ooh, has it started again Elsie?”
“Yers Ivy, and it aint dahn me right side neither Ivy”.
“What side's it on now then Ivy?”
“Well, between you an me, it’s all dahn me left side Ivy”.
“Still, mustn’t complain Elsie, it could be worse”.
“Yers, it could be dahn me right side Ivy”.
“Oh look, here’s the bus Elsie”.
“You getting on it Ivy?”
“No, just thought I'd see if it was going to be late Elsie”.
“Yers..."

 

NEXT WEEK: Ivy eats two many poached eggs and has terrible trouble passing a 'duty'