Human rights group, Amnesty International have accused bosses at Network Rail of sanctioning the enslavement of up to a thousand Japanese tourists during 2014 before forcing them to work on the London Bridge station redevelopment project in inhumane conditions.

 

IRONING BOARD

Amnesty claim that Network Rail "press gangs" have been operating around London's tourist hotspots, bludgeoning Japanese sightsee-ers over the head with cudgels before spiriting them away unconscious to the London Bridge site, where they are forced to work up to 18 hours a day, hod carrying, cement mixing and carrying out various other gruelling menial tasks.

 

TITS

One such captive, who managed to escape by tunnelling to freedom from beneath the stove in the tea hut, told of terrible privations and summary acts of brutality committed by Network Rail engineers and  other paid workforce members. Yashimoto Kendo, a 46 year old Tokyo taxi driver, told Amnesty: I was taking some photographs of The Houses Of Parliament when was I was struck from behind by a heavy object and knocked unconscious. When I came round I was in a small workman's hut. My clothes had been taken and I was dressed in a boiler suit with Network Rail written on the back"

 

CLIFF RICHARD

"There were a number of us in the hut, all looking dazed and disorientated. The others told me that they had been attacked and kidnapped in and around some of London's most popular sights. One man told me that he'd been knocked cold in The Natural History Museum while photographing a Mammoth"

 

MASSIVE ARSE

"My lowest point came when I collapsed while laying some sleepers due to malnutrition and a severe case of Black Water Fever. The site foreman beat me mercilessly with a length of bamboo and then crucified me on an advertising hoarding as an example to the others"

 

BREAST PUMP

A spokesman for Network Rail strongly refuted the claims last night: "We have never once enslaved a Japanese tourist and anyone who says we have will be crammed into a wooden box and left outside under the merciless heat of the burning sun for days on end"

 

ADULT BABIES

This latest allegation comes just two weeks after a London bus driver was issued with a written warning for shooting a German passenger at dawn after spotting that his London Travel Card had run out of credit.