A 43-year-old woman from the sleepy backwater town of Dorking in Surrey has triumphed for a record third year running in the World Feeling Cold Championships in Saudi Arabia.

 

Mrs Tracy Dell, a mother of 6 and a housewife, managed to complain about feeling "absolutely frozen" 127 times over the 12 hour period, despite the fact that temperatures were in the high 90s throughout the tournament. This was a new personal best for Mrs Dell, which shattered her previous record of 98 complaints during last year's event on Copa Cabana Beach in Rio De Janeiro during high summer, and was just outside the world record of 130, set by an Australian woman during the 1999 event in The Bahamas

 

Mrs Del beat 3,000 other woman, some of whom were pre-menstrual, and therefore feeling particularly chilly, to claim the title and the prize of an Arctic survival suit and free central heating oil for a year.

 

We tried to contact her husband last night to get his reaction to his wife's triumph, but he was unavailable  for comment as he is currently serving 6 month's imprisonment for non-payment of the family's last quarterly heating bill, which is believed to be in excess of thirty thousand pounds.

 

Disclaimer: This spoof is not, in any way, shape, or form, intended to lampoon the fairer sex and their infuriating propensity to constantly whine about feeling "half frozen", irrespective of the time of the year, ambient temperature, central heating setting, being on a collision course with the sun with only minutes to impact etc. No, that would be harsh, misogynistic and absolutely bang on the money.