top of page

The maritime world was aghast last night as details emerged of an incident that took place on Hyde Park Boating Lake earlier in the afternoon, when a man believed to be an Italian national, threw himself from a rowing boat and swam to safety following a collision with a brown mallard duck leaving his wife and 5 year old daughter still on board the stricken craft.

 

Roberto Mankini 57 from Bermondsey South London but originally from Naples was under house arrest last night as an enquiry began into his shameful behaviour.

 

Reginald Sharples 49, the lakeside attendant and bloke who shouts through a megaphone when your time's up, was visibly shaken as he described events to members of the press.

 

"I've never seen anything like it in 29 years of shouting through a megaphone!" he said "I heard a kind of dull thud followed by some loud angry quacking and turned round to see this geezer diving into the drink leaving a woman and a little kiddie marooned in the boat. I shouted at him through my megaphone to get back on board and be a man but he just wasn't having any and carried on swimming. I went up to him as he dragged himself onto dry land and asked him what the hell he was doing but he just screamed out "I want my mum!" and legged it off into the distance."

 

A spokesperson for Westminster City Council who own and run the boating lake said. "This has got absolutely fuck all to do with us. Our record is exemplary as far as that lake is concerned. I couldn't even tell you how many thousands of punters have enjoyed an hours boating without any dramas whatsoever. This bloke was clearly a rogue tourist and a right milky arseole to boot by the sounds of it."

 

Mr Mankini's solicitor also spoke to the press and stated. "My client is totally innocent of any misconduct whatsoever and has told me from underneath the bedclothes that he thought the stricken craft could have been a danger to other boats and that he was merely swimming ashore to raise the alarm but got lost and ended up at his mum's house instead."

 

Mankini's wife who was being cared for by relatives last night issued a brief statement in which she revealed. "Roberto's a good husband and father as a rule but he's got this wide yellow streak up his back for some reason. His granddad dressed up as a girly and surrendered to the Americans two days before the war broke out you know"

 

The case continues

 

Italian Man Abandons Rowboat After Collision With Duck

A rotting hulk bears grim witness to the duck-infested waters of The Serpentine boating lake.

bottom of page