A 67 year old man from Kent, last night claimed that he's been able to resume marital relations with his wife after a gap of 40 years, thanks to a pair of socks belonging to the popular entertainer, and recovering alcoholic, Keith Chegwin.
Lester Johnson, from Erith, told reporters "It's nothing short of a miracle to be honest, I cant tell you how happy I am. Thanks to Keith Chegwin's socks I finally feel like a man again"
Mr Johnson had previously worked his way through every tried and trusted cure for impotence, including painful penile injections and thinking about Barbara Windsor's tits popping out in Carry On Camping, but all to no avail. Then, when he was at his lowest ebb, he spotted an article in Hello magazine, in which a reader claimed to have been cured of impotence by having a pair of Keith Chegwin's socks draped over his shoulders just prior to making love to his wife.
"Keith Chegwin's Socks Allowed Me To Love Again" Claims Pensioner
"I immediately emailed Keith, and he was kind enough to send me a pair of his socks a few days later. That night I put them to the test, and I have to say the results were astounding. Not only was I able to have normal relations with my wife Ellie, after so many years without physical love, but I've began an affair with the woman two doors away, and I'm happy to say, I'm able to perform more than adequately with her too."
Chegwin was unavailable for comment last night, as he was busy recovering from alcoholism, but his agent did issue a statement. "Keith is absolutely delighted that his socks have played an important role in restoring this gentleman's sex life. As a recovering alcoholic, it's very important to him to know that his footwear gives impotent men a half decent lob on"
"A sock very similar to one worn by Keith Chegwin In His Younger Days"
Bootie Call
