In a groundbreaking move announced last night, table soccer icons, Subbuteo, have revealed plans to include a gay player in the next incarnation of their world famous football game. A spokesperson for the company told assembled media. 

 

"We live in a diverse and far more enlightened world these days and we want to reflect this by including a gay player in one of the teams for our 2014 edition. Although we dont wish to draw undue attention to the sexuality of  the player, he will be instantly recognisable by his distinctive pink base and slightly effeminate, hands on hips, stance. We have also included a micro chip sensor in the model which will make it say "Oooh you are awful" when subjected to a heavy challenge and "Last one in the shower's a big softie. Chase me, chase me!" when the full time whistle is blown.  We haven't yet decided which of the 92 clubs included in our range will be fielding the player, but Brighton And Hove Albion are certainly amongst the front-runners"

 

While the move is expected to be largely welcomed by the professional football world, a spokesman for The PFA, the player's union, did voice some misgivings when told of the plan.

 

"A bloody arse bandit in Subbuteo! You're kidding me right? They'll be including bloody sambos next! I hope to God they give it its own cut-out slot in the box, well away from the other lads. Jesus Christ, please tell me this is a wind up!"

 

Subbuteo plan to launch the gay-friendly version on October 14 2014, to coincide with the Gay Pride carnival in Rio De Janeiro and the birthday of Cliff Richard.