A spokesperson for the Liberal Democrats told reporters last night that they plan to introduce capital punishment, in the form of hanging, for any man who is found in possession of male grooming products, in particular, facial cleansing, toning and moisturising products.

Mr Claude Dee, MP for Bethnal Green, said. "It's high time the government stepped in to stop the increasing number of men who are not only purchasing but using male grooming aids. These people should be stopped at all costs in our view and if that means bringing back hanging then so be it. One of my female constituents told me last week that she had to wait 40 minutes to get into the bathroom due to her husband being in there applying various creams to his face like a big girly."

 

"We hope to get the bill through The Commons within a fortnight and are expecting full cross party support, apart from that ex-Deputy Speaker bloke who's currently appearing in court facing charges of bumming some of his male constituents."