Britain's sex offenders expressed their outraged last night, as details emerged of the latest "game" being played by university students up and down the country.​

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"Paedo Bingo" as it's been dubbed, entails each student picking a few random celebrities, whom they believe, will one day be exposed as a sex offender. The first one to then get "a full house" wins a case of alcopops.



Some of the country's most prominent perverts have spoken out angrily against, what they see, as an attempt to stain their reputations. A spokesman for the group, Beasts Against  Belligerent Youth, BABY, spoke to reporters from his cell last night, using a mobile phone that had been smuggled in, concealed up the back passage of a warden "trusty". "It's quite simply outrageous that the sex-offending community have been targeted by these low-life scum" he said. "Things have come to a pretty pass when the ordinary rapist, or child molester in the street, cant live out their lives in peace, without having their reputations torn to shreds, and their names dragged through the mud, by people who have probably never paid a penny tax in their lives, let alone served a hefty sentence for interfering with little kids. On my wing alone I've seen a number of the lads left absolutely distraught by this disgraceful behaviour, one of whom, a long-distance lorry driver, with over 10 convictions for raping teenage girls in his cab, couldn't even go on his Playstation he was so upset"



There have also been rumours of disquiet at the BBC, where a number of disc jockeys and children's tv presenters have threatened to take legal action if the practice continues. One prominent Radio 1 DJ, speaking from outside a school gate in Birmingham said "We haven't spent years using our positions as pop music icons to exploit vulnerable and impressionable youngsters, only to have our good names dragged through the gutter by these unsavoury people" 



Fiona Johnson, 14, a spokesperson for the National Union Of Students at John Moore University in Liverpool, told reporters. "Look I haven't got time to waste talking to you fuckers. It's Happy Ten Minutes in the union in a bit, and I want to get a few pints of heavy on board before we start making obscene phone calls to Rolf Harris"



This publication would like to point out that no Stuart Halls or Jim Davidsons were libelled or maligned in any way during the writing of the above story, and that's a crying shame in our humble opinion.