A no-frills, budget airline have announced plans to charge passengers a premium if they wish to fly to their destination inside the fuselage of the aircraft. Bryanair, a small independent outlet based in Ireland, plan to bring in their new measures shortly before June 2014, when they hope to have their customers pretty much over a barrel.

 

Chief Executive, Ryan Brigand, 21, spoke to reporters at a press conference last night. "During this period of austerity, when people are drawing their purse strings ever tighter, we feel wholly justified in bringing in this simple and easily executed measure to maximise profits for our beleaguered shareholders, some of whom haven't holidayed in The Maldives for over a fortnight."

 

"It's quite simple and within the scope of even the most dense of package holidaymakers to comprehend. Either you pay a hefty whack on top of the amount we quote you on the internet or you get to cling onto the undercarriage or the windscreen wipers for the duration of your flight. If you die, you die. We'll have your money nicely squared away so where's the problem?"

 

When questioned by reporters about plans to use barbed flails to beat passengers from the airport to their resort hotel and then rifle through their suitcases for valuables, Brigand said "No that one's for 2015"