Dear Readers.



Allow me to introduce myself to you all. My name is Woods and my given name is Spunky. This fortunate fact has been an absolute boon in my chosen career as a masturbation guru and counsellor.



For 25 years I have been helping the lovelorn, the lascivious, and the downright luckless, to derive every possible ounce of pleasure from playing with themselves, whether it be alone and in private, with a loving partner or on public transport.



I've counselled kings and common ragamuffins in the oft scorned and vilified art of whacking out a lively one when nobody's looking, or when a member of the opposite species seems but a sweet scented dream.



Each Saturday morning I'll be holding a clinic right here in the SOZ, when I hope to be able to deal with all manner of masturbatory issues. All are welcome to consult me and in return you will receive sage and practical advice from a man who's been shooting his custard into a sock for a full quarter of a century.



I therefore look forward to meeting you all in the very near future. I also provide discreet, personal, one on one consultations for a small fee and by appointment only. No cheques and no handshakes please.

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Kindest Regards From Your Brother In Spadge

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Spunky x