A Syrian delegate at an emergency meeting of the United Nations, convened to discuss the illegal use of chemical weapons which claimed the lives of hundreds of civilians on Wednesday, has made the claim that not only was the Assad regime innocent of deploying a nerve agent in the horrific attack but that in point of fact they dont even have an army, let alone the means to inflict death and destruction on such a large scale.

 

Pausing only to stroke a cute white kitten sleeping in a pink basket in front of him, Abu Nidal stated. "We totally refute these wild and ill founded allegations made against our government. We disbanded the Syrian armed forces well over 50 years ago, not long after The 6 Day War with Israel, in order to avoid any further conflict and bloodshed. It's against the law in Syria to possess any type of firearm. We are a peaceful and humanitarian country and anyone found with a gun will be imprisoned without trial and tortured on a daily basis until they say sorry.

 

The Russian delegate backed the claim stating "So that's that then. Now perhaps you'll listen in future when we defend other murderous despotic regimes that can offer us unlimited oil or a warm water port for the Russian navy. You should all hang your heads in shame to be honest"