From Portu-geezer to Portu-gal. Chelsea Boss In Sex Change Shocker
Clive Danton & Peter Oliver (Pinxit) - September 2013
In a shock announcement, Chelsea manager José Mourinho has revealed plans to have a full sex change operation in September and that he now wishes to be known by his female name of Chelsea.
Speaking at the Man U v Chelsea pre-match press conference, the newly returned fans' favourite stated: "I've never really felt comfortable as a man and knew right from early.....
Mood Of Nation Plummets As Jim Davison Is Cleared
Clive Danton - September 2013
A top market research team have claimed that Britain is a much unhappier place following the news that charges of historical sexual abuse against comedian Jim Davidson have been dropped.
A spokesperson for the company, Media-Poll, said last night. "We questioned thousands of people across the nation in an online survey and the results were absolutely conclusive. 99.7%.....
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September 2013 Week 1
"We Haven't Even Got Any Guns" Claims Syrian Envoy
Clive Danton - September 2013
A Syrian delegate at an emergency meeting of the United Nations, convened to discuss the illegal use of chemical weapons which claimed the lives of hundreds of civilians on Wednesday, has made the claim that not only was the Assad regime innocent of deploying a nerve agent in the horrific attack but that in point of fact they dont even have an army, let alone.....
A Wild Slash. England's Lady Cricketers Cause A Stink Down Under
Clive Danton - September 2013
The touring England ladies cricket team came under heavy fire last night following complaints from the rival Australian team that a number of the victorious tourists had used the ladies toilets to relieve themselves in at The Sidney Cricket Ground, following the team's narrow 6 run victory in the 3rd one day international between the two sides, giving England.....
Mike Tyson 'Cannibalism Has Left Me Close To Death'
Clive Danton & Peter Oliver (Pinxit) - September 2013
Former undisputed world heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson has spoken out about his penchant for human flesh and how he believes it will eventually result in his death.
"Iron Mike", 47, told iconic boxing magazine The Ring that he'd been eating people for over 30 years, beginning as a teenage hoodlum growing up in.....
Mechanics To Be Taught How To Identify Transgender Customers
Debbie Taylor - September 2013
A new course has been set up for garage car mechanics to ensure that they can identify a transgendered customer from a genetically female one.
“This is very important,” said course organiser, Dave Clinton. “You see, when women-women come into your garage, you can start all the teeth sucking, and tutting that your traditional misogynistic car mechanic has employed since they let women own cars. You know that if you start talking about flanges, under-hangs.....
